➩ [Ebook] ➤ The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance By Polly Young-Eisendrath ➵ – Horse-zine.co.uk


  • Hardcover
  • 248 pages
  • The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
  • Polly Young-Eisendrath
  • English
  • 06 March 2017
  • 9780316013116

10 thoughts on “The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance

  1. says:

    I picked this book up because I was attracted to the subtitle Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self Importance As a tail end babyboomer who grew up during the 70s in California I technically don t fit the demo as far as the generations encompassed in GenMe as the author calls it, but as I read this book it became painfully obvious right away that I myself had not entirely escaped the self esteem trap California is always ahead of the curve, perhaps I did grow up being told that I was talented and special and would be able to do anything I wanted by my mother as well as teachers Fortunately, this was somewhat mitigated by my Catholic school upbringing as well as my European born parents old fashioned parenting style in regards to respecting elders and making myself useful, etc As I matured I was able to see myself with perspective All the same, I have still suffered even as an adult, from a vague sense of dissatisfaction like I never lived up to my potential which the author describes as one of the symptoms of the self esteem trap Anyhow, I am not a lost cause I can still improve More importantly, this book provides an insight into how to raise my kids to have real and realistic experienced based self confidence Confidence and pride based on their own achievements, not from being told they are special or talented even though they may be And to have compassion for others based on the realization that we all share a common humanity, we are ordinary This doesn t diminish their talents it just places them in perspective and relieves them from the pressure to be exceptional in every way True happiness will only come if they realize they are human and accept their weaknesses as well as their strengths Charity and compassion should not just be lip service, however It s fine to raise them with progressive values and tell them to treat others as you would like to be treated, but kids need to be able to practice those things not just talk about them They need to experience it directly in their own lives They need to be able to put the needs of others before their own, people that are right around them in their own homes and communities They won t get that experience from clicking on a KONY 2012 link and watching a Youtube video.


  2. says:

    I definitely needed to read this book at this point in my life I have been struggling with many of things she discusses, both as a parent and as a Gen Me er who is trying to figure out my life path It was incredibly reassuring to hear I am not alone in not knowing what to do with being told my whole life how I can do anything I want Fear of failure, fear of making the wrong choices, fear of regret I have been immobilized by all of these thing As a parent, I have been overly concerned about my children s fragile self esteem, and as a result I have struggled with discipline Just in the week I have been reading it, my adjustment in thinking has made a huge impact on our home.That being said, I am going to look up her website, because I am curious about practical steps to change my thinking Once her thesis is established, I find much of what she says repetitive Great, groundbreaking ideadry execution.


  3. says:

    It is quite good and pretty spot on about the self esteem that just made kids today think they re entitled and better than anyone But, i feel that this author puts an idea that religion is needed as if that would help teach kids to be considerate of others or less self centered That is not true Religion doesn t have anything to do with how well a person would be in a society.


  4. says:

    The author has some important ideas, but has a far traditional conservative philosophy on the place of children in our society than I do, and this combined with her kids these days are all losers and need to get off my lawn attitude made the book less useful than it could be.It did remind me of the importance of reminding kids that they are parts of communities larger than themselves That s something I think I have done a reasonable job at regularly conveying from a kindness and social political perspective, but the author makes a convincing case for the benefits of spirituality and regular spiritual practice as well As that s something I have no interest in personally, it s not something I give to my children past the occasional discussions of why I don t understand the Big Bang theory but still believe in it Maybe I should try harder.


  5. says:

    I read recently a book about raising girls in a me culture and it worried me, mostly because I felt the logic of the author was so far from my own sense of of right and wrong After reading this book I feel so much better This book gives the keys to becoming good people, not just for kids but for anyone brave enough to try This book embraces the potential of ordinariness I can allow myself to be ordinary and still feel happiness, and I get to help my exceptionally average kids to set goals to being good people This book is going on my shelf as one of the best parenting books I have ever read.


  6. says:

    Oh, what an important read this was for me if you too were under the impression that building the self esteem of your child meant including words of praise, telling them how unique and so very special they are, then I d love to get your opinion after you read THIS book and yet wow it makes perfect, perfect sense what a ME focused world we ve become with huge senses of entitlement and what a trap we ve set GREAT, GREAT bookI just wish all of the people who aren t into reading parenting books would read this one Grin


  7. says:

    I am very happy that I read this book I have learned so much from it Though I am struggling with how to implement all that was discussed I took a lot of notes along the way Her ideas are achievable, it will just take some processing time for me and my relations I am also fighting against buying the book for everyone I know with children EDITED On her website is a workbook she made to help expand on the ideas and strategies in the book.


  8. says:

    Catchy, but misleading title Our culture is currently fixated with this belief that being special, ie Mr Roger s feel goodedness is has ruined an entire generation.More adequately stated, false praise is creating egoism and emotional vulnerability Moral of the story be genuine in your appraisal of your children, their strengths as well as weaknesses, and this will guide you to guide them in their journey to adulthood.I summed up in a few sentences what it took this author an entire book.I agree with some of the ideas she puts forth especially that false praise flattery is bad But I disagree with this idea of special Children need to feel special unconditionally loved for their unique, individual traits and qualities Special does not mean better than or superior to, but that how s the author chooses to try to redefine it, which ultimately misconstrues the take home message and makes this book controversial than it needs to be I have problems with the circular reasoning in this book the special self sees itself as flawed but if you follow these principles you ll still be flawed and still see yourself as flawed, but it will change your attitude about being flawed because you re not special any and the generalizations she makes about the public at large from her private practice therapy clients I think it s also a bit short sighted and egocentric to believe that the phenomena she is describing is limited solely to being the result of an entire generation of parents who over praise and over applaud, and refusing to contemplate other factors, such as generational differences in openness to communicate emotional distress Older generations often sought therapy for repression, which should be but isn t considered in this discussion, as it s an interesting facet for inter generational differences this author just attributes to specialness This book comes from a long line of I m older and better, let me tell you how your generation is doing everything wrong kinds of thinking without being too preachy in it s ever appeasing I m ok You re Ok manner.


  9. says:

    Awesome book Difficulties and disappointments are a part of life And we do our children a disservice when we overindulge them and praise them too much and shield them from the bad consequences of their actions As a society, we are raising children who think that they are better than everyone else who believe that they will be successful even famous who are used to and expect to get positive feedback or else they act like brats And what we are doing is collectively mixing a toxic cocktail that will haunt us and future generations According to the author, too much praise creates an intense hunger for approval and can lead to feelings of self importance that only undermine growth and maturity This can lead to isolation, and even feelings of defectiveness when they are faced with challenges they cannot avoid or are having trouble overcoming Self confidence, after all, comes from dealing with adversity and overcoming obstaces and does not develop simply because we tell our child time and again that they are so good and so special Success and happiness comes when we are positively contributing to this big machine we call society when we embrace adversity and even mistakes as an opportunity to learn and be better and when we love and accept ourselves as the humans that we are, faults, warts and all I am thankful for all the pointers in this book, and all the eye opening comments I also think this book is chock full of practical no nonsense pointers for parents who are raising children today and who simply want to raise happy, well adjusted, well mannered, kind, independent and dependable adults with a good conscience and a healthy reverence for life I would recommend this to any parent I know


  10. says:

    Started strong, with compelling reasons explaining what seems to be a widespread notion that young people feel entitled it s the parents In a nutshell, children at a young age need to meet adversity in their lives in order for them to figure out how to deal with it and get over it Too often parents are interfering and not giving their kids the chance to rise to that challenge Kids grow up thinking they are special, then can t handle life when they aren t treated in the special way as adults Last few chapters were a bit weaker, or maybe I was just done with this book I think the one chapter the writer may find readers disagreeing with her about is the one on religion spirituality not to say I disagree, but I think that s where she will find disagreement And maybe I did, a little, too.Even if you aren t a parent, you might find this book useful, especially for those who must deal with millennials or GenMers at work or other social outlets It might help you understand why some people think they deserve the world handed to them on a silver platter Problem is, while, as a parent of a young kid, I might be able to influence what values will be important to her as an adult, this book doesn t really address what you should do with coworkers, employees, etc not that it s your job to Maybe suggest they seek therapy


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About the Author: Polly Young-Eisendrath

Polly Young Eisendrath, Ph.D., is a Jungian analyst, psychologist, and psychotherapist in private practice She is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Vermont and the founder and director of the Institute for Dialogue Therapy She is past president of the Vermont Association for Psychoanalytic Studies and a founding member of the Vermont Institute for the Psychotherapie